The Deplorable Now.

I uhhhh, had a realization today. I wish I was British so I could say 'realisation,' alas, I am not. OH, no sorry. That wasn't the realization. Man, I bet you were like, "girl, you so laaaaame." Anywho, what I really realized was that when I do not have something to look forward to--something big that I'm planning (most frequently a trip of some sort)--I go absolutely mad with a deplorable emptiness. I get that all-too-familiar feeling of pointlessness and hopelessness and what-the-hell-am-I-doing-ness. There gets to be a little bug flitting around in my mind, bouncing off the squishy walls, whispering to my conscience, "you're a sheep and your work is pointless. You're stationary and melting into the depths of routine. Run... run... before you're 69 and it's too late..."

So, I guess that was fun. However, in this hole, I was able to realize that this only happened because I am not currently planning a great adventure or effectively expressing myself creatively. I took a deep, silly breath and started to contemplate where grown up Karate would go from here. I ended with the reasoning of a promise.

The 24-Year-Old Promise: I vow to constantly keep a carrot dangling in front of my eyes forever mmmmmkay. 

As grand memories of Spain and Arizona and San Francisco float into the nostalgic past, I avert my gaze into the cyclic future. Here, I can build hope and keep my mind occupied with possibility. So, what will be my next "big trip," my next life-altering endeavor, my next rule-breaking escapade? I think it's going to be something monumental. The next 6 months or so might consist of some massive changes in my life to accommodate. Who knows. I'm a careless and capricious soul, so this could turn into a dream and nothing more.... But perhaps it won't. Stay tuned if you're like, interested.

In the meantime, I have two things that helped me get through the day to share:

The first comes from Cara Delevingne's Instagram account. That girl is $$. "You are born and then you die, but in between you can do anything you want. It's society that creates rules for us, but you can break out of that."

And the second comes from my always inspirational and magical friend who said adios to America for the land of Spain. "Always go with your passions. Never ask yourself if it's realistic or not."

So that was today. I'll talk about San Francisco soon. It was magic. And hey, so are you.