2013: The Year of Macaulay Culkin

I'm just going to say it. I love drag queens. My friends--who are so lucky to hear all about my obsession as I spew at the mouth (an expression I've grown quite fond of)--couldn't pretend to be more supportive. It all started when I watched Party Monster a few months ago. Can we talk about this movie? It's incredible. The costumes, acting, general outrageousness, and storyline--it's all magical. Before I could process the awesome, I was balls deep in Michael Alig's life, pining for "Disco Bloodbath," which, of course, is the novel upon which the movie is based. Acting-wise, besides Macaulay, we have a fabulous Seth Green, a perfect Chloë Sevingy, a one-eyed Dylan McDermott, MARILYN MANSON as the weirdest character in the history of film, and more. Have you seen this damn movie? It's on Netflix, so you have literally no excuse.

Agggh, this trailer makes me all giddy in a glittery, dreamy way. I want to be a club kid. One of my favorite things about film in general is its ability to romanticize even the darkest of situations. A sort of black humor, documentary-style story of a lifestyle, Party Monster does this fantastically. It's so well done that overdosing, young heartbreak, and murder simply become consequences of an extraordinary life--one that combats the routine humdrum of the drearies and normals. Which is obviously appealing for a cat like myself. Bottom line, I think you'd like it.

Back to the present, I'm not watching this movie right meow. I'm watching Richie Rich. From sweater vests, Macaulay's trademark side part, and the emblematic "Mount Richmore," this movie's got it all. And it's just a lovely thing to see how far my sweet blondie changed in the years in between the two films. What a shame about his shitty parents, huh?

Macaulay, you own my dreams, you feed my nightmares--love you, boo. Thanks for the escape into the awesome with your mad acting skillz. Also, if you like poetry, there's some shit below for you. I wrote it in response to, *you won't believe it,* PARTY MONSTER. So, as Marcel the Shell would say, "read on." Just a fun little tidbit: Marilyn Manson lyrics are strewn about with the poem. So, uhh, cool.

Creature of the Night or “You’re Afraid of Reality”

Darling I’m fabulous

Everything you’re dying to be

I’ll make you a superstar

A dancing princess of fame and money

You’ll be my new boyfriend

And The Beautiful People will move to the sounds

Of ecstasy and blind sex

Synthetic hair and filthy mouths

We are infinite and the road of excess is plush

Crisp collars unravel and asphyxiate between my fingertips

Coma White and fleeting

I’m the creator of the night and everyone loves me

“You’re not Peter Pan.”

Come with me and the night is conquerable

Leather shorts and sequins on strings

Lavish parties with starships and fake blood

Hello love, where are your wings?

Glittered red lips and a cocaine mustache

Let me introduce you to Paulie

He used to be a hat maker

Now he’s a drug dealer to the dream scene

The Nobodies have No Reflection

Lines and mountains and mirrors and tubes

Flood the basement with Disposable Teens

Neon youth and sugar smiles

I took so much I hoped I would die

“Congratulations on your first overdose.”

Don’t feed the drug child

He’ll sell you for suicide and a chance at love

Sweet Dreams (are made of this)

How do you like my UFO?

The cat may be dead but My Monkey lives

We have to do something about this terrible mess

We’ve taken all the drugs

Promise you’ll never leave me

Are You The Rabbit?

Give me your hand and I’ll take you to rehab

We’ll run away and start new and fresh

But Tourniquets always Leave a Scar

“You’ll get better and everything will all get better.”