DECEMBURRR (not clever, I know)

Hullllloh. Nice to see you here. Where is here? What is now? Every moment slipping like a grain of sand through my waxy hands. EXISTENTIAL.

Sorry about that. I don't know why you bother coming here. Anyway, I'm damn glad to have ya. Let's talk about December. I really like winter. My skin is all cracky and dry and cute. My socks are thick and so is my midsection from a successful Thanksgiving. My cat is fluffy and I am ardently refusing to turn on the heat in my brisk apartment.

WELCOME TO DECEMBER, BITCHES.

Here are some things and stuff to think about. Read on if you feel like you're inadequate. HAHA jk jk you're cool probably.

1. I'll be going to SPAIN. That's neat. Uhh yeah it is.

2. It's CYBER MONDAY. Great. It IS great, idiot! The perfect time to buy gifts for "friends" of course.

3. I will never ask anyone again if they believe in God. And when I'm asked, I hope to answer with, I don't think it matters. Religion is horse shit and I am trying to disregard what individual people believe in terms of what it "says about them as a person." It's easy to write someone off once you hear they're a Catholic or Jewish or Agnostic or whatever and assign stereotypes to them. I'm trying to operate on the idea that whether or not you believe in God is just how you choose to interpret the world and humans in it... And whatever comforts you is fine. Just don't push your beliefs on other humans, you know?

4. Salamander is a great word.

5. My favorite kind of cookie used to be white chocolate macadamia nut. I don't know what it is anymore. Should I be worried?

6. That's it BYE. Brief because I love you okay.

An Introduction to AWESOME

HEY there silly kid! It's like Tuesday (what how why where am I), and I've got a coooool new video for you. My friend Linda filmed some very cool Minneapolis things for me not too long ago and I am finally getting around to editing them into a new youtube series called Mo' Gluten, Mo' Problems. It's awesome. I would know because I'm in it, I'm editing it, and playa, cuz' it just IZ. I'm going to stop this silly vernacular now.

Here's the video. It is merely an introductory puzzle piece in the grand scene of awesome gluten free dining and fun city happenings. Cuz I'm hip as shit. Hehe I'm not like a regular mom; I'm a cool mom!

ONCE AGAIN sidetracked. Anyway, here you go. Enjoy the shit out of this. And check back for more. Subscribe to my youtube channel. Watch ScrunchieTime too. Just continue to grow as a person. I don't know. Take a nap maybe also.

Gracias, my fellow karate kid. 

Thursday Party: Questionnaire 4 Thugs

Hello. Apparently this is becoming a "Thursday" thing. That's pretty cool. I like Thursdays. I like Tuesdays and Saturdays, too. Fridays are too mainstream.

Anyway, I decided that I wanted to make a questionnaire for myself to answer. Maybe I should find one on the INTERNET. That might be easier. Bahhh I'm already here, I'll just come up with mein own questions. I want questions that are sort of "in the moment" type questions where it's like OMG that was my favorite movie 6 months ago...when I read this six months from now. Shit like that. You get it, OKAY.


1. Favorite movie. The Shining. Or A Clockwork Orange. Fucking Stanley Kubrick. Good heavens to hell, he is a GD genius. I watched The Shining a couple weeks ago and although I'd seen it before, it really hit me hard this time around. The imagery, the camera angles, Jack Nicholson, and that distinctively "Kubrick" feel just tore my brain in two and then rebuilt it into a magical, blood-flood of possibility and promise.

And can we talk about A Clockwork Orange as well? OOFTA. My dear friend Linda and I saw a midnight showing of it in Uptown Minneapolis at the most beautiful theatre. (I spell theater that way when I want to be pretentious.) It's a decently long film, and it was very late; however, I was so drawn into the film that nothing could break my focus with the violent, sex-crazed, sardonic, and edgy film unfolding before my eyes. Needless to say, the Anthony Burgess novel is in my amazon cart and waiting to be purchased.

2. Favorite music stuffs. I can't make this question too specific, because my favorite song/artist of the moment changes, as you might guess, from one moment to the next. I really like M.I.A.'s song Karmageddon from her latest album. Iggy Azalea is obviously amazing. And I made a seriously lovely playlist on the spotify. It's called "It's that thing where a tiny milk man breaks into a cat infested lodge" in homage to Stephon on Weekend Update. I know that the stuff you make is always inherently better to your own self than to others (not unlike childbearing), but this playlist seems like a universal love-thing.

3. Favorite phrase. I cannot stop saying "Whateva Banana." I don't know what it means, but I love it. I'm going to make t-shirts and coffee mugs, don't you fret. It is my "fetch."

4. Favorite clothery. Scarves. Beanies. Boots. Winter is here and I am pumped like a pimp. A warm, cozy, adorable pimp.

5. Favorite hobby. Video editing is fun. I would have never ever thought that would be my thing, but I can't get enough of it. I took the wrong sorts of classes in cooollege. Whateva banana, ya know? And reading. I'm reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas because I'm in search of the American Dream. Lulllz jkjk. But seriously, I aspire to be Hunter S. Thompson.

6. Favorite mind-grow. Ooh, that's a fun way to talk about learning/knowledge building things...mind-grow. It's like I'm in 1984, eh? Anywho, I love the YOUTUBE. Sex+ is incredible. Vlogbrothers, obviously. Pixiwoo still. Sonia's Travels cuz SPAIN in 40 days! And then, anything I can watch about video, sound, editing, camerawork, and things of that persuasion is dollar signs amazing.

I have quickly learned that having a static existence is literally the most terrifying thing I can imagine. If I had a job where I did the same things every day and all I could do was sit idle as I wasted away in an office doing menial tasks, sinking deeply into a cushioned chair until my ass became one with the polyester, working with a tired mind, muddled with monotony... death by routine. That's a thing.

As long as I keep growing, keep expanding, keep learning, I'll be okay.

Thursday, bitches.

It's Thursday here on WEIRD KARATE, and you know what that means! Karate Kid is not as cool, sassy, or as wearable as Grace Helbig. And for that, I offer NO apology. Lol for days. I am extremely apologetic; however, I do ask that you stick around for this groundbreaking post. Let's jump right in! Knees first! What? I don't know.

Me and my friend, Lola.

1. I am constantly craving bloody mary's. I think it's just the sodium and full bodied awesomeness? I don't question it. Sometimes, you just have to trust your body and its needs, mom.

2. My cat is getting a winter coat. So, he looks plump and extra fluffy. And I like both of those things about him.

3. My favorite color for early winter is that raspberry-maroon color that everyone and their grandma is carrying. I AM MERELY A PUPPET OF TRENDS.

4. I like putting cool shit on my face... Makeup-wise. Watch some pixiwoo videos on the youtube. You'll be like BRITISH. And then you'll be like OKAY GIRL, YOU DO SOME GOOD MAKEUP.

5. I do weird things for my job. If you would have told me 5, shit even 1 year ago, that part of my job would consist of filming and editing videos, I would have shot you in the face with my witchcraft abilities. Oops, someone has been watching American Horror Story.

Alright, I think that's good for the day. THANKS for your time and things. Go watch some of my horse videos if you want. I'd prefer you watch Scrunchie Time, but girl, I get it. You get yo bloody mary where you need it. I'm going to stop writing. Goodbye and good riddance.

SCRUNCHIE TIME: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbrcrkLeIzORHhnzFEgip_w

KARA WHATEVUH: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRteBwCekV0AJQKqcKmSvxA

-KARATE BITCH

Revelations on a Monday

This morning, my ex-roommate sent me a quote. She's in Spain. I am stuck here. I hate that I use the word "stuck." That's everyone's excuse, isn't it? 

"Oh, I've got too much baggage to move. No, not literally." 

"I'm not talented enough to start over. Plus, that's a lot of work." 

"I can't just leave--all the plants will die!"

Well, I don't want it to be MY excuse anymore. I'm 23. Not 83. Not 13. Really any age besides 23.... Anyway, what ties my shoes together? What grounds my person and buries my dreams? Stability? No, that's not it. Commitment? No, not that either. Fear? Meh. Initiative? There it is. Trying something new and big takes courage. It takes strength and confidence and the right amount of crazy to go for it, but what is the alternative?

It appears that I have completely strayed from the original reason for this post--THE QUOTE. So, here it is. Far more eloquently stated and inspiring, here is Jon Krakauer's take on going for it.

"Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.” ― Jon Krakauer

Gluten Free 4 Life

DISCLAIMER: Okay okay okay, new stuff coming. First, this blog was music. Then it was music + life. And NOW, it is going to be music + life + food + travel. Girl, I could not be more excited about it. 

I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease just over three years ago, something that I had absolutely no idea existed before that moment, and since then, my relationship with food has changed unbelievably. From that point, I didn't eat at a restaurant for at least 8 months for fear of feeling the way I did prior to diet change and being unsure just how sensitive I was to even an accidental morsel of evil gluten slipping into my healing system. But as I gained awareness and knowledge of where gluten hung out in food and drinks, I found myself trying a new restaurant once in a while, googling their options online, and ultimately, being disappointed in the staff's complete lack of understanding in my "gluten thing." **Plain lettuce with lemon wedges, please.**

So, over these past three years, I've seen restaurant menus go from handwritten lists to laminated word documents to, oh wow, "it looks like a normal menu!" I'm getting "glutened" fewer and fewer times as I venture out into the glutenous world and into the treacherous realm of restaurant dining. But as I have more positive experiences, although a few really horrible ones are still sprinkled in there as well, I gain trust and confidence in my future as a human being who can enjoy a meal out with friends just as much as a person without Celiac Disease or a gluten intolerance.

But before I share some great g-free dining experiences in cities like Minneapolis (gluten free hub) and elsewhere, I want to share a few problematic things that have happened me more than once while attempting to have an enjoyable experience out on the town like a normal.

TOP REASONS TO SIGH ABOUT DINING OUT

1. "Hi, do you have a gluten free menu?"

"Okay, so, we don't have a menu per say, but mostly all of our items can be made gluten free."

2. "I'm allergic to wheat, so no croutons or bread with my salad, okay?"

***Salad arrives with a croutons partying all over it.***

3. "Do you guys have a gluten free menu?"

"I'm sorry, what do you want for free?"

4. The wallpaper at Panera Bread literally has, "gluten" strewn about with other comforting words like "bread" and "fresh."

5. "Do you have a gluten free menu?"

"It's actually included in the menu on the second page towards the bottom." 

(points to section with two items.)

6. When a menu tricks you into thinking they have tons of options. 

"Look, you can have all of the burgers!" 

"Yeah, the asterisk says without bun, sweet potato fries, seasoning, or spicy chipotle sauce. So, basically it's a shitty hamburger patty."

A 23-year-old Promise

Before we go any further down this theoretical journey of "life," I want a promise. I want it in writing. So, that's what I'm doing. A formal promise from my naïve, immature, idiotic, ill-informed, dance deprived 23-year-old self. READY YOURSELF, boo.

A Bold Introduction:
Hello. This is Karate Larson. It's 2013 and I'm really shaping into "something." (As you can tell, sarcasm is still a big part of how I communicate) Anyway, I was reading or watching something the other day and I thought to myself, HEY, I don't want to be that person who lives a life confined to a box of routine and comfort. I don't want to (prepare for cliché) live a life I'm not proud to say is my own. I know the 50-year-old sad sack of myself will just never forgive this 23-year-old chump if I don't live up my youth and general recklessness. So, future Kara, this is my formal promise to build, create, and grow. We can get into more details of this "life" I'm planning, but for now, I just want to introduce the idea.


Hello, Idiot.
Look at you, reading into the second paragraph. I'm glad you're still interested because THIS IS YOUR LIFE. I am going to separate the upcoming promises in a very mediocre way (organization has never been my "thing"). Try not to let that trip you up, dear and dramatic self, keep reading and considering every one of these. You have no choice. Because what's the alternative? Being the lame kid at the party who still sucks at the teet of his trusted routine? I know I'm a girl, but a boy just seemed to fit the bill for that analogy. Oh mama, I've gone too far to turn back now. Let's just jump in before I lose you entirely.


1. Can she build it? Yes, Karate can! These silly and completely original words open up my first point in this masterpiece/complete mess. Want to know cool I am? I watched the Ashton Kutcher Teen Choice Awards speech on the way to work the other morning because I needed to hear some damn positivity from a beautiful man. And I don't care what Demi says, I love him and everything he has to say in that 4 minute motivational utterance. So combining sweet Ashton's (well, actually Chris's) advice on "building a life," which he got from something Steve Jobs said (nothing like trickling down the line to make a point), I now think of everything in terms of not just living a life as another insignificant empty head, but building a life for others to share with and grow into, and creating something in which I am truly proud. So, that's number one--to quit sulking in my current static and start thinking bigger, broader, and more creatively. BUILD something, karate.

2. Move. Get out, man. When is the last time you were truly scared and completely putting yourself in a situation where you were like, "geez Louise. What the hell am I doing. I'm a crazy kitty!" I'm fairly positive that I've known you for a good portion of my life (we are the same person, you damn fool). Anyway, where do you want to go? California, New York, Arkansas? Please don't go to Arkansas. It might be cool if you had a job lined up in this new place, but hey, if you don't, that's cool too. You do you, boo.

3. Make an intensely creative job application. If you want to get noticed, do something great. Seems simple, yes? What's holding you back? Oh, nothing? Wow, okay cool DO IT THEN.

4. Write. Write. Write. Right? Remember how athletes practice to get better? Fill in the blank.

5. Content and Comfortable are sworn enemies. Like the Lannisters. Shit, I do love Tyrion though. And man, even Jaime is growing on me. Oops, I've slipped into the Game of Thrones haven't I? Well, let's move on hmm. Okay, back to the bold stuff. Just because these things give you a temporary feeling of "having your shit together," let me assure you, it's a façade. These won't make you happy. You need turbulence and complexity and weird to keep growing and evolving as a person.

6. Expand your damn mind. Read the novels you own before you buy any more, watch your favorite television programs for a daily fix of passivity, read online articles about the health benefits of cucumbers, the woes of dating, or religion in Russia, watch YouTube videos--I'm only asking that you soak in what technology affords you to enjoy. With so much content in the world, it would be an absolute shame to not do your best to absorb it ALL.

7. Do you. Girl, take what others' art gives you and CREATE what feels good, frees your stresses, and centers your person. Uh oh, someone is getting a little too yoga-granola-mother earth on this one.

8. Travel. You're 23. Do I need to argue this any further? Go visit your old roommate in Spain. Get lost in Paris. See the roses in Portland. A sedentary life is one not meant for you.

9. Find a place you love and work for them. Remember when you made that hilarious/innovative/inspiring job application? Well, here's the time to send it to this organization or company or publishing house or creative hub or whatever it may be. It's about time you find a place that fulfills your desire for a mutualistic work environment.

10. Don't be afraid. That was easy to write. Much harder to do in the real life party time zone. The only thing truly standing between my 23-year-old self and every single one of these promises is fear. A four letter word never broke so many hearts. But honestly, what do I really fear? Failure? I don't think so. Rejection? Not that I'm aware. I think I fear the idea more than anything, so hey, that's stupid.


In Hopeful Conclusion
GIRL, look how far you made it! Literacy! Do the ten things above. You just have to. 50-year-old Karate (old and saggy, but still throwing theme parties) will never forgive you if you don't. I'm counting on you and so is this life you still have the chance to build. As my favorite movie character of all time (William Miller, Almost Famous) once questioned, "when and where does this real world occur?" I often inquire the same. But really, it's always been here. And even though I like to view things through my rose-tinted glasses, evading reality, and dancing in the dreamland of the harmless and delicious cookies, it is one that I have to face. So, here we are--23, dramatic, complicated, and confused--you're going to be okay.

GIRL, be cool. Cuz you cool.

"I got the swag and it's pumping out my ovaries." --Kreayshawn

I feel. Okay. For the first time in a while. I feel like I finally have some clarity and some idea of the damn direction I'm heading. IT IS CRAZY. Nothing has changed in the past few days besides my attitude and general outlook. So, who's the boner champ now?! Ha that's not funny. ANYWAY, stay positive, you sweet little cookie. Here are some tips for turning your day around. 

POSITIVITY, BITCHES

1. Listen to a solid comedy album or hilarious podcast. I has suggestions for both whaaa, so be prepared to get yo laugh on. [[Comedy: Demetri Martin, Anthony Jeselnik, Amy Schumer, Nick Swardson, Donald Glover, Jim Gaffigan, Aziz Ansari.... Podcast: "If I Were You" with Jake and Amir," "Comedy Bang Bang" with Scott Aukerman]]

2. Get some caffeine in your system. Coffee or tea, please. Soda no bueno. Unless you don't drink it super often and it's like a mega big treat for you, then THIS ONE TIME, you can has a soda. But anyway, there's nothing that helps your attitude like a little caffeine buzzzz, so get that drink in ya system pronto!

3. Talk to a pal. Facetime, skype, call, snapchat video. Contact some friends and catch up. Cuz human friends are fun to catch up with when you've had a long day and need to vent or maybe you need to talk through a problem, or hey, maybe you just miss 'em like a mofo! Whatever the case, it will make you smile! On your face! 

4. Make a list. I don't care if you don't have a damn thing to do. Call human friend #1. CHECK. Pet cat. CHECK. Rearrange couch pillows. CHECK. Organize cabinet disaster. CHECK. Alphabetize hummus flavors. CHECK. I mean, there's always something that you can cross off. Believe me, I would know. And girrrrl, turn on some music real loud-like and dance while list-dominating.

5. Do some exercise. I know I know I know. I hate it too. No one with a normal brain is like OMG can't wait to fucking hate myself for being so out of shape! But seriously. It's nice sometimes. When I'm like über stressed/confused/angry, a nice outdoor exercisism session is so $$$. I can't do the straight up distant running thing cuz my mind goes all, "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you" with every step, but I do like to do sprints/lunges/push-ups/yoga/weird shit to keep da body guessing. Plus, do I even need to mention the playlist possibilities. YEAH, didn't think so. (That's obviously the best part.)

And that's my advice for staying positive in the midst of mad confusion and crazy dayz... Cuz boo, we've all had them. Staying strong and kicking ass isn't an easy task, but if you find some ways to get you back up when you down, hunny, you'll have this life shit straight FIGURED OUT. Okay. Thanks. Love and cookies. Don't trust the squirrel with a fu manchu. 

2013: The Year of Macaulay Culkin

I'm just going to say it. I love drag queens. My friends--who are so lucky to hear all about my obsession as I spew at the mouth (an expression I've grown quite fond of)--couldn't pretend to be more supportive. It all started when I watched Party Monster a few months ago. Can we talk about this movie? It's incredible. The costumes, acting, general outrageousness, and storyline--it's all magical. Before I could process the awesome, I was balls deep in Michael Alig's life, pining for "Disco Bloodbath," which, of course, is the novel upon which the movie is based. Acting-wise, besides Macaulay, we have a fabulous Seth Green, a perfect Chloë Sevingy, a one-eyed Dylan McDermott, MARILYN MANSON as the weirdest character in the history of film, and more. Have you seen this damn movie? It's on Netflix, so you have literally no excuse.

Agggh, this trailer makes me all giddy in a glittery, dreamy way. I want to be a club kid. One of my favorite things about film in general is its ability to romanticize even the darkest of situations. A sort of black humor, documentary-style story of a lifestyle, Party Monster does this fantastically. It's so well done that overdosing, young heartbreak, and murder simply become consequences of an extraordinary life--one that combats the routine humdrum of the drearies and normals. Which is obviously appealing for a cat like myself. Bottom line, I think you'd like it.

Back to the present, I'm not watching this movie right meow. I'm watching Richie Rich. From sweater vests, Macaulay's trademark side part, and the emblematic "Mount Richmore," this movie's got it all. And it's just a lovely thing to see how far my sweet blondie changed in the years in between the two films. What a shame about his shitty parents, huh?

Macaulay, you own my dreams, you feed my nightmares--love you, boo. Thanks for the escape into the awesome with your mad acting skillz. Also, if you like poetry, there's some shit below for you. I wrote it in response to, *you won't believe it,* PARTY MONSTER. So, as Marcel the Shell would say, "read on." Just a fun little tidbit: Marilyn Manson lyrics are strewn about with the poem. So, uhh, cool.

Creature of the Night or “You’re Afraid of Reality”

Darling I’m fabulous

Everything you’re dying to be

I’ll make you a superstar

A dancing princess of fame and money

You’ll be my new boyfriend

And The Beautiful People will move to the sounds

Of ecstasy and blind sex

Synthetic hair and filthy mouths

We are infinite and the road of excess is plush

Crisp collars unravel and asphyxiate between my fingertips

Coma White and fleeting

I’m the creator of the night and everyone loves me

“You’re not Peter Pan.”

Come with me and the night is conquerable

Leather shorts and sequins on strings

Lavish parties with starships and fake blood

Hello love, where are your wings?

Glittered red lips and a cocaine mustache

Let me introduce you to Paulie

He used to be a hat maker

Now he’s a drug dealer to the dream scene

The Nobodies have No Reflection

Lines and mountains and mirrors and tubes

Flood the basement with Disposable Teens

Neon youth and sugar smiles

I took so much I hoped I would die

“Congratulations on your first overdose.”

Don’t feed the drug child

He’ll sell you for suicide and a chance at love

Sweet Dreams (are made of this)

How do you like my UFO?

The cat may be dead but My Monkey lives

We have to do something about this terrible mess

We’ve taken all the drugs

Promise you’ll never leave me

Are You The Rabbit?

Give me your hand and I’ll take you to rehab

We’ll run away and start new and fresh

But Tourniquets always Leave a Scar

“You’ll get better and everything will all get better.”

"What If It Is" & Queen K.Flay

K.flay is like. WORDZ. I can't even complete that sentence because a single word cannot begin to encapsulate her greatness. She's incredible. So fucking cool and talented and well-read and just an intriguing individual... Oh and she's got some killer dunkz on her feets. Plus, she's a lady rapper. In essence, she is everything I want to be. So.

BELOW=Album cover. Song. "Rawks" in Perez Hilton's studio. 

ANYWAYZ, she just released a new EP titled "What If It Is" and I'm in love. Obviously. There's this cool interview she did that you should watch. And now you go to Spotify to listen to that shit. The beats are complex and interesting while the content, as always, is provocative and edgy. Slightly angsty and cool as hell, K.flay just keeps winning with her music. Catch her on tour with Icona Pop and Sirah this summer/fall (it started yesterday). WHAT, how cool is that, I know right it's great, no shit, killer, see you at jazzercise.

Alrighty, go listen. I love you. Man, I've been wanting to say that for a really long time now. Like 7 minutes probably. OH HEY, before you go home to your poodle mix... If you haven't listened to West Ghost, do that too. It's not on Spotify, which is crazing fucking lame (overreaction), but you can download for freeeeeeeeee at DIS PLACE. Most of her stuff is free on her website, so check it out. She's seriously dope.

http://www.kflay.com/site/music

https://soundcloud.com/kflay

"My" Generation and The American Dream

There's a stereotype that accompanies "my" generation. It's that of a selfie-snapping, lazy chump who can't survive without their smart phone and is simply trying to "find themselves" amidst the flannel suit wearing yuppies. I can't argue with all of this. We are selfish in that put ourselves first. We're self-involved and self-aware and perhaps narcissistic. Some might say our world is getting smaller as our Facebook/Twitter feed, Netflix instant queue, and YouTube watch list keep growing, but with this constant connectedness, our exposure to others' thoughts, news stories, eye-opening documentaries, and so much more is unimaginable. It is true that our values and concerns have changed very much from the kids of even 10 years ago, but is that necessarily a bad thing? I think that we're not only more self-aware, but we're also more cognizant of this giant world with billions of people and religions and political injustice and boundless information. Our world is so much bigger than our parents' dinner table conversations and soccer practice, which is a definite benefit of the current technological state.

So, yes. We are self-involved. We have dreams and our parents said to us, "you can be anything you want to be, Charlie." (If your name happens to not be Charlie, just plug yours in. And I apologize for making you feel less special. You're still a unique snowflake, Ashley.) We were the kids who received participation awards. The days of "them's the breaks, kid" died before us and have been replaced with lawsuits over equal playing time. We rarely heard the blasphemous "no" word from others, but that doesn't hinder our ability to bestow it upon whomever deserves it in our eyes.

The final question must be asked: where is "my" generation, really? Well, we sure know what we want. Kind of. We know that we want happiness and fulfillment, though we know that these things aren't destinations. And the narcissist in us thinks we really can make a difference. We are aware of the bleakness, but still, we continue the trek. We fight for equality, we see the good in people, and we know that a 9-5 isn't the realization of our childhood dreams. We're willing to try new things and put ourselves out there, because hey, we're special. Our parents said so. And what's wrong with a generation of confident, connected, well-informed Americans on the brink of adulthood? It's simple. Revolution and "my generation" is separated by last part of the former phrase: well-informed. We're growing up in a country that our parents still refer to as "The Greatest Country in the World," even though we all saw what Will McAvoy (Jeff Daniels) did to this lofty claim in the first episode of The Newsroom. The "American Dream" is a thing of the past and my generation is willing to risk everything to change the status quo.

So, once my self-absorbed generation lifts the veil to reveal the truth underneath, all the passion and confidence we have in expressing ourselves will be redirected into changing this country and this world. The truth is out there and I know that once my generation finds it and grows impassioned by the promise of change, our minds will envelope the task and pour our narcissism into something worthwhile--our freedom.

I'VE GOT A NEW DOMAIN, BITCHES.

It's here, it's here, I'm queer! What. Hmmm. If only there was a delete button on this damn contraption. You see, I accidentally (out of pure and unadulterated excitement) typed the word "queer" when describing myself. This, as you might assume, was a mistake. I do apologize for the inappropriate nature that this entry immediately took on once that word was thrown out into the area in which I am typing. I just wish there was something I could do to take it back! But hey, as my mum used to say about Vietnam, "sometimes you do shit you regret. You might wanna sell your organs to take it back, but sweetie, you can't. At all." Anyway, I hope I've adequately atoned for this horrendous mishap.

What was I talking about before all this? OH YES. There's a new name up there. It's WEIRD KARATE because duh. Fun timez! There's a new domain in town and its name is cool cool cool like a living room dance party! Hey also, wanna watch a loser get her rap game on? Watch this.

Something New, Something Whatever

I'm going to post something different today. Are you ready? It's funny because "you" is probably just me in a few days. Anyway. I'm having a moment where I just feel like writing, man. My couch--no, I guess it's a "love seat"--where two bums would feel very uncomfortable sitting together. My bum is sinking sadly into the crease, pillows encapsulating the human (me), making me feel enclosed--a couch box. Excuse me, love seat.

I've been craving Fight Club for like a month. Well, I'm finally watching it. I have like 10 movies in my life that I need to rewatch every once in a while--every few months or so--to get my fix. Renew my purpose. Emancipate my mind. So yeah, that's what I'm doing. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise. It's a new film with every rewatch. I try to wrap my mind around a character who so seamlessly befriends, admires, loathes, and finally relinquishes the need for a alter ego. Humans cope with life, with their incredible amounts of shit, in different ways. In unbelievable ways. In terrifying ways. Forming an extreme alter ego is one way. And although incredibly destructive, Tyler Durden shakes the comfort and certainty of an IKEA furnished, 9-5 office job, bullshit life. And dammit, I respect that.

"No fear, no distractions."

Fear is something that's been trickling with fervor into my everyday thoughts. As I stress about a wasted youth, I desperately search for answers to unanswerable questions, plummeting deeper into this quarter-life crisis. It's a real thing. Maybe. Or at least it's a swell label to hypothetically paste on this mess of emotional wreckage. Ooh, can you feel that drama? Dripping from every 23-year-old pore on my body. 

"Stop trying to control everything and just let go."

Classical Deals, Yo.

So earlier today, I was on Amazon buying everything ever and I saw something. SOMETHING GOOD. It was the amazing variety of awesomeness offered to the world in The Bach Guild Big Box Sets. Girl, you gotta buy now! Literally 99 cents for like 10+ hours of music by various orchestras, symphonies, and some crazy talented cats. It is bizarre. And practically a public service. I love you, Bach Guild. Marry my face now. Anyway, this amazing deal only lasts until April 7, so get on it! 

The famous original composer dudes are as follows (I will include photos for amplified hilarity):

Johannes Brahms

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Johann Sebastian Bach

George Frideric Handel

Ludwig Van Beethoven

Antonio Vivaldi

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

Needless to say, I bought like all of them. $5 for like 60+ hours of music? Uhh, I think yes. Other box sets include Mahler, Gustav Leonhardt, the Baroque Box Set, and more, probably. Okay so go buy them now, thank you. 

Go say THANK YOU here:

http://www.thebachguild.com

FOXYGEN

This album is grandiose. It's like Bob Dylan, Bowie, and Led Zeppelin melted into a hot pot of modern day psych-rock with a dash of feel good and a spoonful of pants-free dancing. It's called "We Are the 21st Century Ambassadors of Peace and Magic" by Foxygen. Oh my (oh my) you must buy (or die trying).

Holy Video: Alt-J

Just watch. You'll be like, whoa. Thanks mom.

Let's Talk SCORES: The Social Network

Hey there my sweet little froyo cup... Oof it sure has been a while. Oopsy doopsy. Well, I feel like that's enough of an apology. EAT IT KITTY; the joke has to be real! Okay, that's enough. 

To be completely honest, I didn't know if I would ever come back. But uhh, I guess I did. Lucky you, my new and incredibly intelligent friend. It's nice to hold your glance and attentiveness over the putrid words spilling before you, line after line. All right, I'll get right to IT. What is IT, you might be asking yourself. IT is film. IT is my parent's dog chasing her own tail right now. IT is humanity, my love. Ha not really. The first two though, sure. 

I've been watching some magical films as of late and their scores have inspired something of the interesting sort within my budding self. And I don't know, (averting eyes, kicking dirt between us), I just wanted to share my intrepid thoughts with a captive audience member like yourself. Well, let's get right to it.

Film of the Day: The Social Network (2010)

Directed by David Fincher

Written by Aaron Sorkin

Score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

I loved this film from the first preview. And then, upon my first viewing, I was in love with it. I mean, Jesse Eisenberg AND Andrew Garfield. My head explodes with both excitement and profound fear just recounting it all. And obviously David Fincher is just a magician of a director, e.g., Fight Club, Se7en, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. But these are not the elements of the film we are here to discuss. Let's talk about the MUSIC. This score will literally change you as a human being. It's like "MOM, you literally don't even get me as a human anymore!!" I don't know what that means, but seriously, it is remarkable. If I could metaphorically wrap the whole thing up in cellophane and have it for lunch every day for the rest of my life I would be the happiest and most nourished kiddo in the WORLD. There is one track in particular, which even you don't know classical music at all, you'll still be like, "MOM, I literally know this song!!" Titled "In the Hall of the Mountain King," this track is an arrangement of Edvard Grieg's 1876 composition for Henrik Ibsen's play Peer Gynt (thanks Wikipedia, you church whore). Here's a little taste. 

This track also inspired me to write a most ridiculous piece of poetry. Read it... If you like CRICKETS and death. 

"In the Hall of the Mountain King"

Dancing Crickets line the crumbling walls,

Thinking of nothing but their dance...

Clicking their rickety heels,

Spinning one another around on their convex backs.

Until the day that they see a spot of light in the wall.

They climb and climb; 

Stacking up high—

Cricket on Cricket,

Until Grieg sees a glimmer.

A hope, a dream, a land of light
Beyond the wall.

In curiosity and longing,

They gather and plot to escape.

Grieg leads the attack;

Offering a brilliant speech,

Talking of happier times past the wall...

Moving his Cricket limbs emphatically through the darkness.

And that is all it takes.

The Crickets are laced with false hope

And stampede into the crumbles.

Pounding to break through the darkness,

Breeding and brooding confused hatred among the blind.

Misplaced rage inspiring the crazed action,

Pounding, pounding on the sheetrock,

Running into hardness, cracked exoskeletons,

Clawing at the wall, breaking legs,

Tears and cries of pain,

Until finally...

A breakthrough!

A hole big enough for two, maybe three at a time,

 allowing the blinding light to filter in,

The crumbles of dust sifting and dancing through the air,

Penetrating the untouched darkness.

Something they’ve never seen before—

Those who had been born in darkness.

They went mad for more.

Even with the casualties piling high and wide

In their attempts at escape,

The crunching and blood spread hot and pooled
Among the bodies of the already forgotten

In order to reach the light
And the promises it held.

Visions of beauty past the hard wall,

Out of the darkness and doom.

The hole spreads;

Greig plunges alone into the land of the light.

His black body sails,

Arms and legs flailing maniacally

Before he lands hard and bounces off the floor.

Only the highest Cricket can see him now,

As he hangs off the edge between darkness and light.

He stares at Grieg—

Pitiful and alone in the light.

He is silenced at the sight

And climbs back down into the darkness

The Crickets have turned docile—

Their blind rage has subsided.

But they can still hear the actions of a crazed man...

The great leader claws back from the light side.

Until he gives up.

But it is no matter.

The dancing crickets are no longer concerned with escape.

The pounding crowd disperses in tired regret,

Yet the dead remain,

Piled and sticky from death

In the comforting darkness—together.

Welp, that's all for today. I'll be back to talk about my film findings and music love soon. Enjoy the day or night, whatever it is for you, right now. Okay BYYYYE. Oh, and here's one more arrangement from the film. It's the opener. I really don't have words to encapsulate its greatness. 

And here's Andrew Garfield and uhhh, Jesse Eisenberg to close the day. You're welcome.