GIRL, be cool. Cuz you cool.

"I got the swag and it's pumping out my ovaries." --Kreayshawn

I feel. Okay. For the first time in a while. I feel like I finally have some clarity and some idea of the damn direction I'm heading. IT IS CRAZY. Nothing has changed in the past few days besides my attitude and general outlook. So, who's the boner champ now?! Ha that's not funny. ANYWAY, stay positive, you sweet little cookie. Here are some tips for turning your day around. 

POSITIVITY, BITCHES

1. Listen to a solid comedy album or hilarious podcast. I has suggestions for both whaaa, so be prepared to get yo laugh on. [[Comedy: Demetri Martin, Anthony Jeselnik, Amy Schumer, Nick Swardson, Donald Glover, Jim Gaffigan, Aziz Ansari.... Podcast: "If I Were You" with Jake and Amir," "Comedy Bang Bang" with Scott Aukerman]]

2. Get some caffeine in your system. Coffee or tea, please. Soda no bueno. Unless you don't drink it super often and it's like a mega big treat for you, then THIS ONE TIME, you can has a soda. But anyway, there's nothing that helps your attitude like a little caffeine buzzzz, so get that drink in ya system pronto!

3. Talk to a pal. Facetime, skype, call, snapchat video. Contact some friends and catch up. Cuz human friends are fun to catch up with when you've had a long day and need to vent or maybe you need to talk through a problem, or hey, maybe you just miss 'em like a mofo! Whatever the case, it will make you smile! On your face! 

4. Make a list. I don't care if you don't have a damn thing to do. Call human friend #1. CHECK. Pet cat. CHECK. Rearrange couch pillows. CHECK. Organize cabinet disaster. CHECK. Alphabetize hummus flavors. CHECK. I mean, there's always something that you can cross off. Believe me, I would know. And girrrrl, turn on some music real loud-like and dance while list-dominating.

5. Do some exercise. I know I know I know. I hate it too. No one with a normal brain is like OMG can't wait to fucking hate myself for being so out of shape! But seriously. It's nice sometimes. When I'm like über stressed/confused/angry, a nice outdoor exercisism session is so $$$. I can't do the straight up distant running thing cuz my mind goes all, "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you" with every step, but I do like to do sprints/lunges/push-ups/yoga/weird shit to keep da body guessing. Plus, do I even need to mention the playlist possibilities. YEAH, didn't think so. (That's obviously the best part.)

And that's my advice for staying positive in the midst of mad confusion and crazy dayz... Cuz boo, we've all had them. Staying strong and kicking ass isn't an easy task, but if you find some ways to get you back up when you down, hunny, you'll have this life shit straight FIGURED OUT. Okay. Thanks. Love and cookies. Don't trust the squirrel with a fu manchu.