DECEMBURRR (not clever, I know)

Hullllloh. Nice to see you here. Where is here? What is now? Every moment slipping like a grain of sand through my waxy hands. EXISTENTIAL.

Sorry about that. I don't know why you bother coming here. Anyway, I'm damn glad to have ya. Let's talk about December. I really like winter. My skin is all cracky and dry and cute. My socks are thick and so is my midsection from a successful Thanksgiving. My cat is fluffy and I am ardently refusing to turn on the heat in my brisk apartment.

WELCOME TO DECEMBER, BITCHES.

Here are some things and stuff to think about. Read on if you feel like you're inadequate. HAHA jk jk you're cool probably.

1. I'll be going to SPAIN. That's neat. Uhh yeah it is.

2. It's CYBER MONDAY. Great. It IS great, idiot! The perfect time to buy gifts for "friends" of course.

3. I will never ask anyone again if they believe in God. And when I'm asked, I hope to answer with, I don't think it matters. Religion is horse shit and I am trying to disregard what individual people believe in terms of what it "says about them as a person." It's easy to write someone off once you hear they're a Catholic or Jewish or Agnostic or whatever and assign stereotypes to them. I'm trying to operate on the idea that whether or not you believe in God is just how you choose to interpret the world and humans in it... And whatever comforts you is fine. Just don't push your beliefs on other humans, you know?

4. Salamander is a great word.

5. My favorite kind of cookie used to be white chocolate macadamia nut. I don't know what it is anymore. Should I be worried?

6. That's it BYE. Brief because I love you okay.

An Introduction to AWESOME

HEY there silly kid! It's like Tuesday (what how why where am I), and I've got a coooool new video for you. My friend Linda filmed some very cool Minneapolis things for me not too long ago and I am finally getting around to editing them into a new youtube series called Mo' Gluten, Mo' Problems. It's awesome. I would know because I'm in it, I'm editing it, and playa, cuz' it just IZ. I'm going to stop this silly vernacular now.

Here's the video. It is merely an introductory puzzle piece in the grand scene of awesome gluten free dining and fun city happenings. Cuz I'm hip as shit. Hehe I'm not like a regular mom; I'm a cool mom!

ONCE AGAIN sidetracked. Anyway, here you go. Enjoy the shit out of this. And check back for more. Subscribe to my youtube channel. Watch ScrunchieTime too. Just continue to grow as a person. I don't know. Take a nap maybe also.

Gracias, my fellow karate kid. 

Thursday Party: Questionnaire 4 Thugs

Hello. Apparently this is becoming a "Thursday" thing. That's pretty cool. I like Thursdays. I like Tuesdays and Saturdays, too. Fridays are too mainstream.

Anyway, I decided that I wanted to make a questionnaire for myself to answer. Maybe I should find one on the INTERNET. That might be easier. Bahhh I'm already here, I'll just come up with mein own questions. I want questions that are sort of "in the moment" type questions where it's like OMG that was my favorite movie 6 months ago...when I read this six months from now. Shit like that. You get it, OKAY.


1. Favorite movie. The Shining. Or A Clockwork Orange. Fucking Stanley Kubrick. Good heavens to hell, he is a GD genius. I watched The Shining a couple weeks ago and although I'd seen it before, it really hit me hard this time around. The imagery, the camera angles, Jack Nicholson, and that distinctively "Kubrick" feel just tore my brain in two and then rebuilt it into a magical, blood-flood of possibility and promise.

And can we talk about A Clockwork Orange as well? OOFTA. My dear friend Linda and I saw a midnight showing of it in Uptown Minneapolis at the most beautiful theatre. (I spell theater that way when I want to be pretentious.) It's a decently long film, and it was very late; however, I was so drawn into the film that nothing could break my focus with the violent, sex-crazed, sardonic, and edgy film unfolding before my eyes. Needless to say, the Anthony Burgess novel is in my amazon cart and waiting to be purchased.

2. Favorite music stuffs. I can't make this question too specific, because my favorite song/artist of the moment changes, as you might guess, from one moment to the next. I really like M.I.A.'s song Karmageddon from her latest album. Iggy Azalea is obviously amazing. And I made a seriously lovely playlist on the spotify. It's called "It's that thing where a tiny milk man breaks into a cat infested lodge" in homage to Stephon on Weekend Update. I know that the stuff you make is always inherently better to your own self than to others (not unlike childbearing), but this playlist seems like a universal love-thing.

3. Favorite phrase. I cannot stop saying "Whateva Banana." I don't know what it means, but I love it. I'm going to make t-shirts and coffee mugs, don't you fret. It is my "fetch."

4. Favorite clothery. Scarves. Beanies. Boots. Winter is here and I am pumped like a pimp. A warm, cozy, adorable pimp.

5. Favorite hobby. Video editing is fun. I would have never ever thought that would be my thing, but I can't get enough of it. I took the wrong sorts of classes in cooollege. Whateva banana, ya know? And reading. I'm reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas because I'm in search of the American Dream. Lulllz jkjk. But seriously, I aspire to be Hunter S. Thompson.

6. Favorite mind-grow. Ooh, that's a fun way to talk about learning/knowledge building things...mind-grow. It's like I'm in 1984, eh? Anywho, I love the YOUTUBE. Sex+ is incredible. Vlogbrothers, obviously. Pixiwoo still. Sonia's Travels cuz SPAIN in 40 days! And then, anything I can watch about video, sound, editing, camerawork, and things of that persuasion is dollar signs amazing.

I have quickly learned that having a static existence is literally the most terrifying thing I can imagine. If I had a job where I did the same things every day and all I could do was sit idle as I wasted away in an office doing menial tasks, sinking deeply into a cushioned chair until my ass became one with the polyester, working with a tired mind, muddled with monotony... death by routine. That's a thing.

As long as I keep growing, keep expanding, keep learning, I'll be okay.

Thursday, bitches.

It's Thursday here on WEIRD KARATE, and you know what that means! Karate Kid is not as cool, sassy, or as wearable as Grace Helbig. And for that, I offer NO apology. Lol for days. I am extremely apologetic; however, I do ask that you stick around for this groundbreaking post. Let's jump right in! Knees first! What? I don't know.

Me and my friend, Lola.

1. I am constantly craving bloody mary's. I think it's just the sodium and full bodied awesomeness? I don't question it. Sometimes, you just have to trust your body and its needs, mom.

2. My cat is getting a winter coat. So, he looks plump and extra fluffy. And I like both of those things about him.

3. My favorite color for early winter is that raspberry-maroon color that everyone and their grandma is carrying. I AM MERELY A PUPPET OF TRENDS.

4. I like putting cool shit on my face... Makeup-wise. Watch some pixiwoo videos on the youtube. You'll be like BRITISH. And then you'll be like OKAY GIRL, YOU DO SOME GOOD MAKEUP.

5. I do weird things for my job. If you would have told me 5, shit even 1 year ago, that part of my job would consist of filming and editing videos, I would have shot you in the face with my witchcraft abilities. Oops, someone has been watching American Horror Story.

Alright, I think that's good for the day. THANKS for your time and things. Go watch some of my horse videos if you want. I'd prefer you watch Scrunchie Time, but girl, I get it. You get yo bloody mary where you need it. I'm going to stop writing. Goodbye and good riddance.

SCRUNCHIE TIME: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbrcrkLeIzORHhnzFEgip_w

KARA WHATEVUH: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRteBwCekV0AJQKqcKmSvxA

-KARATE BITCH

Revelations on a Monday

This morning, my ex-roommate sent me a quote. She's in Spain. I am stuck here. I hate that I use the word "stuck." That's everyone's excuse, isn't it? 

"Oh, I've got too much baggage to move. No, not literally." 

"I'm not talented enough to start over. Plus, that's a lot of work." 

"I can't just leave--all the plants will die!"

Well, I don't want it to be MY excuse anymore. I'm 23. Not 83. Not 13. Really any age besides 23.... Anyway, what ties my shoes together? What grounds my person and buries my dreams? Stability? No, that's not it. Commitment? No, not that either. Fear? Meh. Initiative? There it is. Trying something new and big takes courage. It takes strength and confidence and the right amount of crazy to go for it, but what is the alternative?

It appears that I have completely strayed from the original reason for this post--THE QUOTE. So, here it is. Far more eloquently stated and inspiring, here is Jon Krakauer's take on going for it.

"Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.” ― Jon Krakauer

Gluten Free 4 Life

DISCLAIMER: Okay okay okay, new stuff coming. First, this blog was music. Then it was music + life. And NOW, it is going to be music + life + food + travel. Girl, I could not be more excited about it. 

I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease just over three years ago, something that I had absolutely no idea existed before that moment, and since then, my relationship with food has changed unbelievably. From that point, I didn't eat at a restaurant for at least 8 months for fear of feeling the way I did prior to diet change and being unsure just how sensitive I was to even an accidental morsel of evil gluten slipping into my healing system. But as I gained awareness and knowledge of where gluten hung out in food and drinks, I found myself trying a new restaurant once in a while, googling their options online, and ultimately, being disappointed in the staff's complete lack of understanding in my "gluten thing." **Plain lettuce with lemon wedges, please.**

So, over these past three years, I've seen restaurant menus go from handwritten lists to laminated word documents to, oh wow, "it looks like a normal menu!" I'm getting "glutened" fewer and fewer times as I venture out into the glutenous world and into the treacherous realm of restaurant dining. But as I have more positive experiences, although a few really horrible ones are still sprinkled in there as well, I gain trust and confidence in my future as a human being who can enjoy a meal out with friends just as much as a person without Celiac Disease or a gluten intolerance.

But before I share some great g-free dining experiences in cities like Minneapolis (gluten free hub) and elsewhere, I want to share a few problematic things that have happened me more than once while attempting to have an enjoyable experience out on the town like a normal.

TOP REASONS TO SIGH ABOUT DINING OUT

1. "Hi, do you have a gluten free menu?"

"Okay, so, we don't have a menu per say, but mostly all of our items can be made gluten free."

2. "I'm allergic to wheat, so no croutons or bread with my salad, okay?"

***Salad arrives with a croutons partying all over it.***

3. "Do you guys have a gluten free menu?"

"I'm sorry, what do you want for free?"

4. The wallpaper at Panera Bread literally has, "gluten" strewn about with other comforting words like "bread" and "fresh."

5. "Do you have a gluten free menu?"

"It's actually included in the menu on the second page towards the bottom." 

(points to section with two items.)

6. When a menu tricks you into thinking they have tons of options. 

"Look, you can have all of the burgers!" 

"Yeah, the asterisk says without bun, sweet potato fries, seasoning, or spicy chipotle sauce. So, basically it's a shitty hamburger patty."